Concert 8-Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

Thank you to my sponsor for today's blog.
www.evolutionarywomen.org


Authors's Note. I added a description of the Passport journey and a few things about worrying vs trusting life to this blog. As we finish packing up and cleaning our house, I am tweaking some of the drafts that were never published. We go to settlement on our house on Nov 16th and then hopefully a week in Europe before heading to California in the middle of Dec. When we know the details we will share the specifics.

This was the 8th concert of the summer and the second concert in beautiful Vancouver. The day after this concert was Canada Day.

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Concert 8- Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
June 30, 2009

Vancouver is beautiful. Everyone who has visited here or seen pictures says how beautiful Vancouver is and it is true! Lush green forests. Mountains that rise from deep blue bodies of water. Nature is woven into the tapestry of the community.

Hannah and I are staying with one of the Conscious Choices authors, Laura Mack and her husband Andrew. Laura wrote a story in the CC book called, "Finding my voice and finding my community." Laura is the embodiment of community. (I first met her when she was in Baltimore for a convention and stayed an extra four days to attend the first east coast Evolutionary Women Retreat.)

Laura and I started the day with coffee and then an hour walk from her home to the village of Deep Cove. She told me that the weather we were having was the perfect summer weather in Vancouver. Sun, light breeze, low 80's. We walked through neighborhoods that led us to a dense forest with a paved path. The sunlight occasionally peaked through the trees to warm our faces. At the bottom of the hill, we found the cove. A brief hello to their boat, The Lovable, stopping to breathe in the beauty and then back up the hill. It was a walk that made me think I would have a very tight gluteous maximus if I could do this hour long walk everyday.

When Laura and I arrived back at the house, Hannah and I tried to connect to the wireless system. They had just switched to a new internet provider and for some reason, neither Hannah nor I could connect. Our plan B gave us an opportunity to drive into the little village in the opposite direction of the cove. We spent an hour at a lovely coffee shop called Bean Around the World. Good coffee. Delicious apple, poppy seed muffins. Big, round, wooden tables.

We drove to General Motors Place, the Vancouver arena and walked around talking with people. It was another quiet day. It felt like a weekend even though it was Tuesday. The next day was Canada Day, a day of independence and a big holiday, like our 4th of July. Across the street from the arena, I found a bench to sit on and I reflected on the challenges we had overcome to be here in Canada.

One of the things was the expired passport. Here is the story of the passport. As you know, the month before leaving on this trip, we cleared our entire home. On our third day on the road and the day before our first concert of the summer in Dallas. I woke up early to organize the blog, update my website, start a fan page and respond to a long list of phone calls and e-mails to people in Baltimore. I checked our next few stops and looked at the passports.

Long pause... Mouth open... Eyes wide... Breathing stopped...

In one hand is my passport. All is well.

In my other hand is Hannah's passport with bold, red letters CANCELLED.

We brought the wrong passport. We were scheduled to cross the border to Vancouver, on June 29, ten days from then. No one else had a key to the storage unit at home in Baltimore. And even if they did, where would I tell them to begin to look for it? The storage unit was packed to the ceiling. For all I knew, it was recycled with the trash.

This summer I was planning on weaving book talks with authors from a book I co-authored called, "Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman's Guide to Life." Even if we skipped the Jonas Brothers concerts, I wanted to visit and spend time with Laura.

After a trip to a local passport center in Dallas, a phone call to the US Government and a series of pushing buttons on the automated reservation line, Hannah and I had an appt in Aurora, CO on June 23 10:30am. This required leaving the Jonas concert in Tulsa, OK about 15 minutes early and driving through the night to arrive in Denver by 10:15 am to check in.

Hannah and I drove through the night to get the passport. We arrived 30 minutes early. Everything went smoothly at the office. It was challenging to drive, yes. But, Hannah stepped up to the plate and drove for 2 hours following the directions I had for her. I had an opportunity to let go and trust her. Early in the morning, when I had taken the wheel and had been driving for hours, I listened to my body and pulled over to sleep for 45 minutes in the parking lot of a Comfort Inn. I saw an amazing pale pink and blue sunrise through the rear view mirror. I heard birds chirping as I sped along the highway. I saw the mountains coming into full view in Denver. I had these experiences because of the missing passport.

The woman who helped us at the passport office was nice and friendly and supportive. Everything happened with ease and grace. I had more than enough information to support the processing of the passport.

As we climbed into the car to drive to Longmont, Colorado, I thought about how much time I had spent worrying about this. I had two nights when I woke up in the middle of the night. I began to think about the worrying. Had the worrying supported this process at all? Did the worrying get us to the passport office on time or did I waste precious time on something I had no control over? All I really could do was show up with the requested paperwork and be in the moment of the Yes or No.

I asked myself, why can't I just trust life to bring me my highest good?

Yes, I have experienced loss of loved ones and some of my dreams have not come true. I have had my share of disappointments. But, I also have had a pretty amazing, magical life. I have received some strong intuitive thoughts that have led me to jobs, friends, homeschooling my kids, and of course, to the jonas brothers concerts with my daughter.

I ask myself, "Why can't I trust life to support me? Why must I worry and fear that things will not work out?" None of the worry or fear actually brings me good stuff and it actually takes me out of enjoying the present moment.

I arrived in Longmont, Colorado and realized that I had my friend's UPS address and not her home address. She is in Hawaii. I called her. She answered her phone and gave me her home address and directions. I easily found the key, entered her lovely home and had a comfortable bed to sleep on for an afternoon nap.

Why am I holding so tightly onto the details of life when I have so much proof that I am supported?

And here I am in Vancouver. A beautiful city. A guest in a home filled with love. Sitting on a bench enjoying the people and the city. Ready to see what will be another amazing, heart centered Jonas Brothers concert.

Today I have money in my pocket. Food in my belly. Time to watch, listen and dance and sing. A place to sleep. Gas in the car. a healthy body. A smart mind.

I ask myself this question:

Do I want to know all of the answers so I can watch the movie of my life or am I here for the ride?

I choose the ride.

Concert 6- Tacoma, Washington

6th concert: Tacoma, Washington
June 28, 2009

Author's Note: Going back to the beginning. This week two blogs. One was the 5th concert in Portland and now this one in Tacoma, Washington, the 6th concert. (June 27 and June 28, 2009) If anyone has videos or pictures from either concert, go to Jonas Watch Fan Page on Facebook and post them. Thanks!

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Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. – Mary Mannin Morrissey

Concert 6: Tacoma, Washington
June 29, 2009

I messed up. I made arrangements to sleep in two different homes in Seattle.

Instead of Sleepless in Seattle. We were Sleep-Full in Seattle!

Yesterday, on the way to Portland, I realized that my friend Chad lived in Seattle, not Portland. You may say, how much of a friend is he if I don't know where he lives?

Chad and I had been in a Transformation Circle together. It was a year long personal, transformation program with Barbara DeAngelis. Our group of 30 people met in Palm Springs and in Sedona several times for weekend retreats. We wrote to each other on a yahoo group. We spent hours and hours on coaching calls on the phone. I knew some of his deepest desires, his greatest pain, and the joy of seeing him heal and transform. He knew my old story and had seen me emerge with a new life, too. I had visited with other circle members on the East Coast but I had never visited the West Coast members. And somehow, I got it into my head that Chad lived in Portland.

Then another friend from Baltimore, Karen Porter, had a friend in Seattle who jumped through hoops for us to stay with her. Karen's friend was going to be out of town. She changed the sheets on the beds, made arrangements with the neighbors to serve as support for getting us into the house and setting the alarm. Several weeks of going back and forth. I would imagine she had food or something to welcome us. She is that kind of welcoming hostess.

I thought we were staying in Portland on June 27 and in Seattle on June 28. So, on the way to Portland, I looked at Chad's address and saw that it was Seattle. I was so mad at myself. After a little bit of driving and thinking, I decided we would stay with Chad for both nights. It would give me a chance to visit with Chad and would give Hannah another full day to rest. I wrote a note to Karen's friend and apologized for the mix-up.

It was a long drive from Idaho to the Portland concert and to Seattle. We had one time zone change and gained an hour on the clock but not in the body. Ten hours of driving with dinner and a 3+ hour concert in Portland in the middle. As we rolled into Seattle at 3am, Chad was waiting up for us with Tanner, his dog. Tanner had lots of barks and kisses for us. He was very excited to have visitors. (I meant Tanner, but Chad was happy to see us, too!)

After a few hours of sleep, I woke up early to check e-mail and finances. We had made it farther than I had thought we would a week ago. I was checking on bids on my house, looking at bank balances, estimating the expenses of the next week. My parents were willing to loan me some money to pay the mortgage and house expenses. This would give me time to think about current bids on the house and allow for the realtor to contact the 27 people who had expressed interest in buying the house. It would give Hannah and me a little more money for a few more concerts. We could finish the concerts on the West Coast and head towards Baltimore. Today was also a day of coordinating the details of places to stay and tickets for the next few concerts.

The idea of sponsors came to me a week ago. It could be someone who was interested in being a part of the adventure, something I had done for other friends and their kids over the years. It is wonderful to support someone with a dream.

It could be a company with a product that was in integrity with our values. It would have to be a product we would use. American Eagle or Urban Outfitters clothing stores for Hannah. Ann Taylor Loft or J. Jill for me. Apple Computers. Panera Bread Company. It would have to be a win-win for everyone involved.

In this economy, advertisers are looking for unique opportunities. How do they get information about their products out to their target audience? I have been a part of many events that had sponsors for conventions, expos, and theater productions. I wanted to talk with Chad to see if he had any ideas about companies or how to contact them.

I was feeling impatient with myself and a little frustrated that I was so far behind in my blogs. Between driving and staying with people who we wanted to talk with, there was little time for sleep. Blogging consisted of jotting down notes on pieces of paper, napkins, hastily typed into the body of the future blog. I was looking for time to sit down and write.

When Chad woke up we talked about finances, going for the dream, the transition we were both in and our willingness to find new ideas and opportunities. We talked about the sponsor possibilities and we talked about the companies Chad was interviewing with for his next consulting job. He was weighing the pros and cons of travel, moving, selling his house, commuting and what to do with Tanner if he was working part time in another city. Chad had sold some of his furniture while thinking about selling his house and moving. Hannah and I had slept in our sleeping bags on his carpeted guest room.

We decided to let Hannah keep sleeping while Chad and Tanner gave me a tour of the city in their jeep. We drove to a park with an overview of the Space needle, Puget Sound and an overview of the entire city of Seattle. Tanner got a bit of a walk and we all enjoyed the beautiful day.

Chad and I talked about going to the gay pride parade, but we opted for driving through some of the neighborhoods and getting some good coffee and bagels. Both of us needed some time to slow down and let the ideas flow.

When we arrived back at Chad's apartment, I woke up Hannah so she could shower and get ready to drive to Tacoma, an hour away. Chad and I continued to talk about our lives and brainstorm ideas for jobs and income for another hour.

When Hannah was ready we drove to Tacoma. It was an easy drive and we arrived really early. It was a Sunday and was quiet at the Tacoma Dome. After picking up our tickets from the will call office and I took a long walk around the community.

Hannah won a Sound Check pass for today by purchasing tickets in advance through her Team Jonas account. She was randomly selected to win. This was one of the reasons we were so early. We wanted to make sure we arrived on time, found parking and picked up the Sound Check pass.

I heard some music down the hill and joined a group dancing with Radio Disney. Cha, cha slide, and a little macarena.

Standing by the Verizon Wireless bus recording studio, the members of the Honor Society slipped out a side door of the exhibition hall and appeared right next to me. I talked with Alex, the drummer and reminded him who I was. Recognition in his eyes and a smile with the words, "That is so cool!" popping from his lips. I hadn't talked with him since Denver, but he remembered. You could see it in his expression. I got a few pictures from the back. They were all facing the crowd and I was in the mix of people behind them.

It was still sunny and 85 degrees with a slight breeze blowing across the water. The wind was gently swirling my hair and waving the flags on the flagpole. The tree made sounds of quiet rustling sounds whispering a sweet song. I decided to half sit and half lean on a wall and watch the crowd. The wall was slanted, like a right triangle. I had one leg straight like I was standing and then sat on the wall with the other leg at a right angle slanted down the hill. The Tacoma Center was on the top of a hill overlooking Commencement Bay. From this angle, I could watch all of the people walking up the hill and think.

I needed silence. My mind was racing with questions and I wanted to find a stillness to hear the answers. For me the silence is best in nature. I can take a quiet walk. Or I can sit and watch the birds, the flowers, the trees, the wind, the clouds and the sky. As I sit in that still connection between myself and something greater than myself, the questions begin to appear.

Jonas tickets. How to get free tickets. Contests.

Warren from Verizon Wireless walked by me. I jumped off the ledge and slid next to him, keeping the pace of his long stride as I asked him about the Verizon Wireless contests. "Where are the Verizon contests for tickets? Last year I sat near a row of Verizon marked seats that were empty in Indiana and I saw the same thing in Denver, four days ago." He didn't know anything about ticket contests and the seats in Denver may have been for company employees who didn't come to the concert. He said he would look into it.

Back to the leaning wall.

A woman approached me with information about diabetes. She was wearing a long, flowing skirt with hair to match the flowing energy. Her name was Maggie and she was traveling with her daughters, Jennifer, age 17 and Aribelle, a toddler. They were passionate about educating people about diabetes and raising money for research. They were planning on traveling to most of the concerts this summer, too. Another group of adventurers with a passion. I wonder how many of us are doing this. I would like to hear the stories of everyone.

As I sat on the wall thinking, some of the songs started to play in my mind. I could feel the possibilities of the theme songs for the summer. They are another clue to the journey. I could write a book about my life and in each of the joys and challenges there would be a song. Don't you feel this way, too? The music is a touchstone, a part of the memory. The music is there to soothe, awaken, heal, get you moving, crying, laughing. Music. Ah, music.

My Summer Songs of 2009:

From the Jonas Brothers, the song is, "Fly With Me." The song really taps into the place inside of me that has stopped believing in dreams and adventure and love. The words, "To believe once again," make my heart do a flip flop of joy every time I hear the words.

From Jordin Sparks, the song is, "One Step at a Time." Losing the contract on my house has placed me in a state of one step at a time. The words, "It's your faith that makes you stronger, The only way you get there, Is one step at a time." This is the message for me right now. How much faith do I have? Am I listening to the inner guidance of the silence of my day? Yes. I am listening to hear the next steps and open to the path. Lots of opportunities for growth here. Let go. Live in the present. Quiet. Listen.

From the Honor Society is the song, "See U in the Dark." This is stirring something in me that is ready for the next chapter in my life. I am closing the chapter of homeschooling Mom. Wife of Hurley. Baltimore resident. I am ready to move into this next chapter and it is scary at the same time. The words, "I'll never see you the same, The veil has been lifted, now I see you're gifted, My whole perspective has changed." This summer I want to explore the questions, "What are my gifts? What is the next step for me? How do I support Hannah in the last two years of school and begin to explore my own new life?" What's next?

Nobody by the Wonder Girls is just pure fun for me right now. I love to dance with them!

This is the beginning of possibilities. How many concerts will we make it to? How will we do it? I want the answers and I also want to relax into the moment of now. More will be revealed!

Finally, I entered the building. It was an interesting concert. The seats felt like I was in a large auditorium in a college. The feel of the metal bleacher stands with folding plastic seats. I was on the side, diagonal to Garbo, second row. Not a floor seat, but a side seat. I was able to see the band members walk from the side of the arena to the stage. It was hard to take pictures of the stage with all of the people walking around and standing up to dance. I did get a picture of Big Rob, the Jonas Brothers security guard, and Christa Black, string player, and Miguel, one of the horn players.

The Honor Society seemed different. Their energy expanded and filled up the stage. Alex was getting wild with the drums and Michael stood on the drum frame and then jumped high into the air. Andrew twirled his guitar. The crowd went crazy! They are figuring out how to play to a large audience. Great to watch them grow.

The Wonder Girls wore red dresses.

Jordin Sparks continues to change clothes and hairdos. I have to admit that I really love that. It's funny because I do not put effort into clothes or hair, but I love watching her and the band members change their look every night.

The Jonas Brothers. What is there to say...Fly with me!

Concert 5- Portland, Oregon

Thank you to Evolutionary Women for sponsoring the blog today. www.evolutionarywomen.org



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Concert 5: Portland, Oregon
June 27, 2009
My first Jonas Party!

Author's Note: It has been fun to re-live the summer of 2009, by going back and finishing each blog. This concert blog was in the beginning when we did not know if we would make it to 45. I couldn't even think that far ahead. All I could see at this point was the next few concerts. This was the first concert with the Wonder Girls. The Honor Society had not really owned the space on the stage yet. Jordin Sparks was getting better and better, but she was still tentative with some of the moves. And the adventures were just beginning. At this point, I didn't know that I would see Lauren in Las Vegas in August and then in Baltimore in Sept. She is a soul sister who cheered me on to victory each step of the way. I am grateful for this new blossoming friendship. At the end, there is an idea about love...

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The more willing you are to surrender to the energy within you, the more power can flow through you. -Shakti Gawain


I was hesitant about going to this concert. We had been go-go-go-go for a week. Hannah had been sick for two days and she seemed to be getting worse. I have been asking myself is she sick or just run down from the travel?

Thank goodness we were at Nicola and Brad's house when she got sick. They are the aunt and uncle of my daughter's fiance, Jesse. They had welcomed us into their home for 48 hours of Hannah's exhaustion. It was a nurturing environment where Hannah was able to rest before the Nampa, Idaho concert and Portland, Oregon concert. We were comfortable, fed, loved and safe here.

Now we were leaving Nampa with full bellies from a pancake, bacon and egg breakfast. As we loaded the car, Brad lovingly packed a lunch for us. Peanut butter sandwiches with snack bags filled with grapes and protein bars and water. We were equipped with all the food we needed for our drive to Portland.

We didn’t have Jonas tickets for the Portland concert yet and I asked Hannah, if she wanted to go straight to Tacoma, and skip the concert in Portland. Did she need time to rest?

She was determined to go on and would not even consider missing this concert. Please understand that we feel it a privilege to be on this trip and we both feel a responsibility to the fans reading the blog and following along. There are girls all over the world writing to us. They are following our journey and waiting to hear the details. So many girls would love to do this. Just as the Jonas Brothers would not skip a concert because of a cold, headache, or sore throat, we weren’t going to skip it either. Luckily, Hannah could sleep in the car all day.

One other thing happened today that encouraged us to go on. We received a spontaneous invitation to dinner in Portland, Oregon. Lauren, an enthusiastic Jonas fan and a Mom, had been following our story and reading the blog. She was going to the concert with her 13 year old daughter, Kaleigh and a group of their friends. They were having a Jonas pizza party and a barbecue. She sent me an e-mail and asked if we would like to join them for an early dinner. We purchased our tickets on-line and called Lauren when we were a few hours from Portland. She was so welcoming and enthusiastic when we connected on the phone. I couldn't wait to meet her.

When I walked into their home, I felt like I was back in Baltimore, my hometown for the last 25 years. Lauren's home was a combination of my two friends, Susan Gardener and Dotti Drumm. The layout of the house was just like Susan’s home. I knew exactly where the bathroom was located on the second floor. There were art spirals on an archway and a variety of art projects made out of everyday items, the way Dotti, a creative folk artist, would have in her home. And the food, drinks, activities, all made me feel like I had been transported home to the East Coast.

The girls were gathered around a table in the backyard with art supplies and T-shirts. They even had a T-shirt for Hannah to decorate. Another reminder of the community in Baltimore. We would have all done the same thing, reach out to a traveler and welcome them, feed them, hand them some art supplies and chat away.

I felt like Lauren was a soul sister. As soon as I met her, I was sharing the events of the last few weeks. It all came tumbling out. The joy, the fear, the journey and everything I had bottled up inside. I was in a home with a girlfriend and I shared it all!

As she offered burgers, veggie burgers, and pizza with pepperoni pieces cut into Jonas, I found myself clapping my hands with joy. One pizza read "Jonas Brothers." The other was a heart with the word, "Nick." Appetizers, drinks, laughter and stories, were rolling through the yard and the house, as we talked and listened to the Jonas Brothers music on an I-pod. We were at a Jonas party!

Our community of Jonas fans are on-line or at the concerts. I have never had an opportunity to create, host or attend a Jonas party in someone's home. I was so happy! How had this fun landed in my lap so easily? What a gift!

Kaleigh's friends and their Mom's were weaving in and out of the house. Stories of their day, arranging the details of pick-up, soccer games, SAT events this weekend. Who would drive, what were the plans, how could they support each other? Lauren’s friend, Kathy, received free tickets at the last minute and had entered "Jonas Land." She wasn't quite sure about this but was open to the adventure. Jim, Lauren's husband was sacrificing his birthday for the evening, although I am not sure he had a choice. (Next time call the Jonas Brothers about the scheduling, Jim! Happy Birthday!)

The only bad thing was that Hannah was still sick. I was sorry the girls wouldn't get to know the real Hannah and she was too tired to fully engage with them. She was dragging and withdrawn and sleepy. We decided to drive our car to the Rose Garden Arena so we could head straight to Seattle after the concert.

We followed Lauren as she wove through the back streets of Portland, avoiding rush hour traffic and to a secret parking spot. I tried to drop Hannah off closer to the arena but when that didn't work, I swung around in a circle to the amazing on street parking a few blocks from the arena that Lauren had guided us to. All I needed was $2 in quarters compared to $20 and only one extra block of walking. This is another reason to connect with the local fans. They will find the bargains in parking and food!

The doors were open and the lines were already moving when we arrived. We stood in line together and then split up to go to our seats. Hugs and more hugs as we departed.

I had the most amazing tickets tonight. Two nights in a row! I was right on the corner of the catwalk. It is so strange to lock eyes with the boys on stage while I am singing their songs and dancing. I can understand why the girls scream. The boys are so connected to what they are doing. I could feel the energy in my heart. When they look at the fans, they send laser lights of love and it is powerful.

Here are some of the concert details:

It was great to see Honor Society. They had a scheduling conflict with the Idaho concert and had moved on to Portland. Skip one concert and I had already missed them. It was fun to see their sparkling eyes. I am getting better at The Honor Roll dance.

There was a singing group called The Wonder Girls. I heard that they might be joining the tour for a few performances, but tonight is the first night I had seen them. They seemed really sweet. They sang two songs. First they came onto the stage right after The Honor Society and sang a song called, "Tell Me."

The strangest thing was how they came onto the stage without anyone really announcing them and then started singing to a crowd that was seated and jabbering away. I wondered who their audience would be. Are they here for the elementary school crowd, the high school crowd, the adults or all of us?

After Jordin Sparks sang they came back onto the stage. This time Papa Jonas announced them and asked everyone to stand up and clap for them. He said that they were from Korea and were invited by the Jonas family to come to the U.S. and perform. They had changed their violet, sparkly, swishy dresses to silver, sparkly dresses that sway to the music. They sang the second song, "Nobody." I love their coordinated dance moves and the simple, catchy tunes with words like, "I want nobody, nobody but you..."

Jordin Sparks and her band performed in between the Wonder Girls two songs. Jordin was wearing a new dress during her set. It was bright yellow and so cute on her. She is really growing as a performert. Fun to watch her, as she just keeps getting better and better with each performance. I am also enjoying the evolution of her hair and clothing. Every night is a surprise.

As I said earlier, I was on the corner of the catwalk. The two Jonas songs that were performed on this side of the stage were, "Gotta Find You," from Camp Rock and the rain scene for "LoveBug." I was making eye contact with the guys and feeling the love.

I started thinking about the impact we can each have on the people and the world around us. I have talked with so many fans who feel that the Jonas Brothers music has healed their hearts. They feel sad or unloved. It could be from the loss of a loved one or an illness or a disappointment in life.

As I sang the songs in the concert, I began to imagine that I was a light beam in the world. I was feeling the love and the music and then I was imagining that I could spread that love to the section I was in and then to the rest of the arena and out into the world.

What if that is true? What if whenever we felt love we began to radiate love to the world. Try this. Think of a situation where you have felt love. Feel the love and imagine that it can flow out of you, like breathing in and out. Breathe in the love. Breathe out the love. As you feel the healing of you own heart, breathe that out into the world and then breathe it in again. Maybe that is the greatest gift of following the Jonas Brothers. The love we feel radiated to ourselves and each other.

Just a thought. How did that feel?

At the end of the concert, Hannah and I quickly walked to our parking space and drove through the night to Seattle. My friend Chad was waiting for us with a place to stay and some good night kisses from his dog, Tanner. This was a day of love and connection. I am grateful.

A Heroes Journey Part I

Here is Part I:

Follow Your Bliss

Joseph Campbell (March 26, 1904 – October 31, 1987) wrote a book called The Hero with a Thousand Faces (1949).

His work is summarized with the words, "Follow Your Bliss," or "The Hero's Journey.


When I began to share the idea of going to Jonas Brothers concerts with Hannah this summer and the ups and downs of selling my house, several of my friends told me that I was on a Hero's Journey; the kind of journey Joseph Campbell talked about in his books. I resisted this idea and pushed it away. How could this be a Hero's journey? I wouldn't even consider what they were saying. This was Jonas Brothers concerts! This is frivolous, fun, carefree.

Hadn't I already been on the hero's journey when my son was born with a congenital heart defect and died 19 months later? Hadn't I been on this journey when I had an autoimmune condition and fought my way back to health? Hadn't I been on the hero's journey with my husband's illness and death. Come on! How could this be a hero's journey!

All I can say right now is they were right. When my house didn't sell and then there were delays, it was a blessing. Finding resources, placing myself in this situation, continuing to follow the guidance of my heart instead of the logic of my head opened me to new ideas, new places, and new experiences. If I had had all of the tickets and hotels and a planned itinerary, I would have missed the true journey of discovery.

If you haven't heard of Joseph Campbell or the Hero's Journey, here is a very, very brief description. If you want to know more, here is a link to one summary:

http://www.mcli.dist.maricopa.edu/smc/journey/ref/summary.html

1. Adventure: You are called to an adventure that you resist.

In my situation, I wanted this adventure with my daughter, but when the sale of my house fell through, I resisted. It didn't make logical sense. It would have been easier for me to deal with illness or death than to allow myself to go an adventure labeled fun.

For someone else, the adventure might call them to get a full-time job, but for me who had a life of responsibility, it was a call to freedom, to release myself from this life and to find a bigger world.

"By entering this stage, the person shows their willingness to undergo a metamorphosis, to die to him or herself."

Going on the summer trip meant I was risking everything. My house, my life, my reputation and opening myself to receive support in a way I had never allowed before. I spent the whole summer "asking and receiving."

2. Initiation: This is a series of tests or trials that the Hero must go through.

If you have been reading the blogs all summer you have watched us with our money struggles and with the discovery of resources to make it to the end.

There was a point when I arrived in Florida for two concerts in August. As much as I truly love my family, I knew that if I were to stay in Florida with my sister or my parents, it was all over. The learning, the opportunity for a breakthrough had not arrived. I was out of money. I had to find a way to continue. I thought about giving up and staying there with them. It was safe and comfortable. I could have waited for the settlement of my house on Aug 28 and quit this crazy concert thing I was doing.

Under different circumstances I would have loved to hang out in Florida for a few weeks. But, on the hero's journey, sleeping at a rest stop for several weeks was more desirable. That is where the breakthrough to freedom would happen, not in the womb of childhood. I felt at that time that all I needed was enough money to fill up the gas tank and drive as far as I could, then wait for the house to sell.

At that point, a good friend loaned us $300 and Hannah and I decided to commit to the next three concerts. We had over 1,000 miles to cover for those three concerts. It was a quest at this point that stretched us to find free or really cheap tickets, sleep in the car, and look for free food.

In Atlanta and Nashville, we received free tickets that would have been discarded, and we slept in the car on our way from Atlanta to Lexington, Kentucky. We ate free ice cream for lunch in Nashville at an Honor Society event. A free hotel room in Kentucky. Ask and receive. Ask and receive.

It was after sleeping in the car, as a conscious choice, that I found the deepest level of freedom I have ever felt. I can't tell you why it happened that way. I only know that I felt it the next morning. As I watched the sunrise that morning, I thought to myself, I can do anything, go anywhere, or be anything I want to be! And it was the feeling of that truth that helped me expand into a fuller person.

3. Return: the return to your life.

We are back in Baltimore. I am writing again from my favorite Panera restaurant in the world. I am sleeping in the one bed that is left in the house. I am asking myself questions.

Is that why the house has not sold? I had to return to the place I have lived and grown for the last 28 years? The challenge at this level is to retain the wisdom and to use it in life without falling into the old patterns.


There are 17 in-depth steps in the Heros journey and I have reduced it to 3 brief sections. There is more exploration for me. It may come to me in a flash or it may come to me 10, 20 years from now.

More thoughts in a few days... The journey continues.

Concert 45: Ottawa, Canada

Concert 45: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
August 31, 2009
We made it!

The last day of the concert tour. We woke up in Toronto at the Hazelden. It is an exclusive, expensive, well-secured hotel in Toronto. A friend gave us the room. This happened three times in the last week. One night we slept in the car and then three amazing hotel rooms from someone who follows the blog. Now, I really felt like a groupie and a roadie. I have not figured out how to tell that part of the story. You may have to wait for the book for these details.

The important part for right now is that we had a hotel room at the Hazelden and it was a gift. Hannah, Rosie and I shared the room.

When we entered the hotel, bedraggled in appearance and with clothes in cloth grocery bags, I guess we looked a little out of place. We didn’t know the location of the elevator, the room and the Do Not Disturb sign was on. The staff walked up with us and led us to the hotel room, questioning us at every turn.

I opened the door with the key, walked in and closed the door behind us. No worries. If they posted someone outside of our door for the night, we never saw them because we did not leave the room until the next morning.

We found out later that the suspicion may have been because JB were still at the hotel. With rows of JB fans outside waiting for a glimpse and our appearance at the hotel, we may have looked like the stalking groupies that we are!

We wanted to get an early start on Aug 31. Our final concert on this summer adventure.

The streets were empty, not quite ready for the busyness of a Monday morning.

On the road to Ottawa, I stopped at Tim Horton's. I had a Canadian morning routine after four days here. It was a large cup of coffee from Tim Horton’s, a B.E.L.T. (Bacon, Egg, Lettuce, Tomato on a Bagel) and a raisin biscuit for a mid-morning snack. This would keep me going in case we did not have lunch or dinner until late. Hannah and Rosie slept almost the whole way there (5 hours)

I headed to the downtown area of Ottawa. It was the first day we did not have the name of the hotel for the JB band. We missed connecting with our "informant" and Rosie was the only one of us using phone service in Canada. Our connection did not have service either.

As I said, we were headed toward the downtown area of Ottawa when Rob Hoffman, the JB photographer, sent a tweet about looking out his bedroom window and seeing a castle. A clue! This was so much fun! Rosie started tweeting and making phone calls to people she knew.

We looked around and saw three castles. I saw the Westin Hotel next to a castle and started to head that way. A fan tweeted confirmation to Rosie. A group of fans had been outside since yesterday and , "yes," they had seen the band at the Westin.

JB was still in Toronto and flying in later. More information for why we were escorted to our hotel room the night before.

I dropped Hannah and Rosie off at the Westin Hotel and went in search of parking. Driving around I heard the song, “Tonight’s Going Be a Good Night.” I opened the sunroof, turned up the music and sang it at the top of my lungs. YES! It was time to celebrate. We made it to 45 concerts. I was giddy with joy and amazement!

It took me 30 minutes to find parking. Walked through a flower mart. Eyes wide opened, enjoying this day. With toiletry kit in hand, I walked to the Westin Hotel, found Hannah who directed me to the Mall bathroom. 15 minutes later, I felt refreshed and ready for the concert.
By the time, I put everything in the car, the first JB band bus was pulling away from the curb. Miguel, and Garrett and Ray, three of the Horn players were standing with the girls and I got several pictures.

Time to find the venue again. It was really a night of good-byes. Although the World Tour continues in Europe beginning Oct 31 in Germany, this was the end of the North America tour. We are not sure which bands are going to Europe. I think the band is the same but you never know. Things change so much.

At ScotiaBank Place, the arena in Ottawa, Hannah had the band signing her US/Canada map. I was walking around and around the venue. Not sure what to do with myself on this bright, sunny day. No Verizon Wireless bus with The Wonder Girls and the Honor Roll. No Burger King Apple Fries, No Mike and Ike’s trucks.

I had been saying goodbye since Atlanta. Six concerts ago. First the Verizon Wireless recording studio, then the Mike and Ike staff (James and Sean), then Burger King and the rest of the Verizon staff. Said goodbye to Jordin in Ft. Lauderdale.

The Wonder Girls gave us comp tickets in Ottawa, Hannah and Rosie and me. It was a thank you for all of the times we handed out flyers, showed up to do the dance, wrote about the love we have for them.

After seeing the tickets, we decided to splurge on a front row ticket for Hannah and Rosie bought one for herself. They were good tickets, but they were too far away to interact with the band. They decided to give the comp tickets to someone who had the top seats in the arena. And that was fun to share with a mom and daughter.

In the concert, I sat alone and there was really no one to talk with on that night. I could feel the expectation rising inside of me wanting this to be the best concert ever and the afternoon and the evening felt flat to me.

I was not a part of this inner circle. Hannah had created with the band. I kept my distance to give my daughter the space to have her own experience without her mother tagging along. I am a 52 year old woman who is traveling with the youth. I reflected on how I was feeling out of place this evening. I was thinking that I was in the same place that I started in Dallas.

Then two girls called out to me during the break between Jordin Sparks and the Jonas Brothers . Kelly and Julia. I looked around and realized that yes they were talking to me. I took a picture of them and thanked them for saying hello. They broke my pity party and the melancholy that had been creeping into the evening.

I made a conscious choice in that moment to enjoy the concert. And in that moment, I remembered that it truly is the journey and not the destination. I had flashes of all the amazing things that had shown up this summer. I remembered the moments when I felt connected. I met so many amazing people along the way. I feel like I have a new group of soul sisters: Lauren, Shelly, Susan, Abbie, Jen, Sandy and more. My younger soul sisters are Nicole, Kelley, Hannah, Stephanie and so many, I can't even think of everyone's name in this moment. You made the summer such an amazing journey.

And the people who kept me going on this journey, Laura, Karen D., Marty, Shelly, my parents, my aunt and uncle, Christina, Christine, Patty, Rob and more...

You all touched me along the way with your hearts and your support and encouragement.

With that transition, I appreciated every Jonas Brothers song, prank and dance move. I sang and danced until my feet hurt and my voice was hoarse. (Thanks Kelly and Julia!)

(Hannah will blog about this but here were some of the pranks:

-Jordin's whole band coming on stage and doing the Honor Roll during the last Honor Society song
-Rachel and Leah, back-up singers for Jordin had a pretend fight scene during SOS and chased each other all over the stage (this was the funniest moment for me)
-Tape with some words on the back of Jordin's dress
-Kevin's piano on the stage was a miniature and he sat down and played it
-Nick reading signs to himself and not out loud.
-The whole crew coming on stage at the end with shirts about Big Rob Being For Real)


At the end of the evening, I danced in the aisle by the Wonder Girls during their meet and greet lines. They know me as Mama, the affectionate name they call me. I was embraced by all of them and by Woo and Moon and David and Hanna. It had been a wild ride for all of us.

I am not the same as when I started. Anytime you climb a mountain to reach a goal, something inside of you shifts. I will write about the Heroes Journey this weekend and give you a few more details.

(More blogs about specific concerts next week)

More to come...

Lake Michigan at Sleeping Bear Dunes. Last stop before we headed back to Baltimore.





Hannah and I arrived back in Baltimore, Maryland late last night!

The car is so dirty, I was asking a few people if you can powerwash the inside of the car! I have cleaned it four times since June 16, but this is the worst. Who knows what is hidden under some seat, creating that smell!! I am determined to find it later today.

Even with bill paying on-line, the mail is piled high. I have a contract on the house and we are in the process of working out the settlement date. I am cleaning out the last of the closets and the storage unit. Still need to find a home for my two cats, Cooper, age 15 and Playful, age 8. Life and all of the details.

In the next two months, Hannah and I are going to post blogs about the concerts and the summer journey. We are also going to post questions we have about Europe, like the best way to get from one city to another. Or things we should know before coming. Or what would YOU like to know when we are in Europe?

All I know about the possibility of going to Europe is that we would like to do this. You have been a part of leading us down this path. We want you involved with the details. It is a journey we want to take with you by blogging, answering your questions, and creating vlogs and videos of the concerts. We will share the journey of selling our house, finding sponsors and advertisers, and going to the 16 concerts in Europe.

Two months ago, I had enough money in my pocket to go to three concerts-Dallas, Tulsa and Denver. And somehow, one step at a time we made it to 45!

The inspiration of a dream happens one step at a time and right now the dream is to continue this journey in Europe. We want to share this from a fan's perspective and want you all to be a part of it. (I have Jordin Sparks song playing in my head right now. One step at a time, there's no need to rush, it's like learning to fly and falling in love... Now switching to the Jonas Brothers song, Fly With Me...)

During Sept and Oct, I will be posting 3-4 things per week. A blog, pics, videos. The best way to get all of the information is to SUBSCRIBE to the different accounts:

www.hannahhylen@blogspot.com
www.jonaswatch.blogspot.com
www.andreahylen.blogspot.com

www.twitter.com/hannahhylen
www.twitter.com/AHylen

http://www.youtube.com/user/OpentoInspiration (Andrea)
http://www.youtube.com/user/singerchick93 (Hannah)

If you have questions about any of these, write them in the comments and I will answer your questions.

Looking forward to our continued journey

Concert 42 - Cleveland, Ohio The Alchemist

Concert 42
Cleveland Ohio
August 27, 2009

Interested in sponsoring our trip to Europe? Contact Andrea: AHylen@mac.com

********************************

I am in "rock star" love with Mike Bedard, the drummer and music director in Jordin Sparks Band. Mike is 34 and has been touring with bands since he was 14 years old.

More on Mike and our spontaneous conversation in a minute.

We drove from Columbus to Cleveland last night. I wanted to sleep in a bed, take a shower, and be close to the venue. I was so tired that I pulled over to sleep for 15 minutes. Somehow after 5 minutes I was wide awake and ready to drive. The coffee I bought at McDonald's was still too hot to drink. Eventually, drank the coffee, drove to Cleveland, and found the hotel easily. Arrived at the hotel around 3am.

The day was a cloudy, rainy day. The weather had changed and it felt like fall was coming. It was the kind of weather that lets you know the summer is over. Gather your acorns. Get out the winter clothes. Chop the wood for the fire. Simmer a hearty soup on the stove.

It felt like things were coming to a close today. This was the last concert in the United States. Jordin Sparks has started to tour with Britney Spears and tonight was her last concert. (Found out later that she will be in Toronto and Ottawa)

I was sitting in the mall next to the Ritz Carlton. Groups of teens were trying to find ways to spot the Jonas Brothers. I had already passed Kevin Jonas on the street with his bodyguard and the little dog that he and Danielle have together. I was driving around the corner to enter the parking garage. Very little traffic on the road. I stopped and rolled down my window to tell him that tonight was the 42nd concert for us this summer. He said, "Thank you." Another one of my ungraceful stalking, star struck moments.

Now at the mall, I sat at a table finishing a blog about California. Looking for the words to describe other concerts, too. Looking around me at the words that pop out from signs in the store windows. One of my favorite things to do. Look at the words, songs, and people who cross my path.

I checked some Facebook messages and this one popped out at me: It was from Raphael Araujo, from Toronto: Life is not about what you can do. It's really about what you can BECOME. Spread your wings and FLY!

In the mall, the words that pop out at me are: Love All, Serve All. Celebrate. The quote from Raphael and the words from the wall bring me into a deeper place of reflection.

I sit here asking myself questions. Some days I ask myself questions like: why am I sitting at the mall? Or why am I going to 45 concerts? Or the biggest why, Why am I alive and what have I come to do, to be, to experience?

Today that is the question: Why am I alive and what have I come to do, to be, to experience? I roll around the words: Love All, Serve All.

Walking by my table, as I write are Garbo, Caroline, Ryan, Christa, all members of the JB band. I say something to Caroline and then see that she is on the phone. She smiles and waves. I say, "Hi" to Garbo and Ryan. They smile and nod. They pause, as if I look familiar but the quizzical looks on their faces tell me they are not quite sure who I am.

Christa Black is the amazing string player who is writing a blog this summer about her life and her thoughts http://www.christablack.blogspot.com/ She walks by my table on the level below. Sunglasses, hair pulled back, earphones connected to an IPod.

10 minutes later she passed my table and I decided that it was now or never. This may be the last time I am close enough to thank her for the summer. I want to thank her for her music that stirs my soul, for the impact she is having on my daughter, Hannah. She listens, nods, lets me know she understands, thanks me and then continues to walk around the mall to wake up. Just enough time for me to really feel a moment in time connection with her.

After talking with Christa, I thought for a minute about why I need to say anything to her or anyone in the band. Why should they care? I don't want to bother them. I don't want to interrupt a moment of silence or privacy. And then I think of you, the readers, the travelers along our road and all of the Jonas Brothers fans. It warms my heart when we talk. I am so disappointed when I read that you didn't want to bother me. The interactions with each of you has been special and precious. Yes, take the time to share the journey with the members of the band and with Hannah and me and with anyone else who moves you.

At the arena in Cleveland, I walked quietly along the path. I took pictures of the last venue that will have all of the sponsors I have traveled with for over two months. Summer camp is really over here for the sponsors and all of the people who have traveled and worked since June. Some will take a break and then continue with a different band, some will go back to college and others will look for another job. The memories of dancing, playing, connecting and evolving this summer linger in my mind.

About 25 feet from me, I saw Mike Bedard, the drummer for Jordin Sparks. I thought that this was his last concert on the tour. I did not want to waste the opportunity to tell him how much I enjoyed his performance this summer. I was expecting this to be quick. I didn't want to take up his time. I was sure that he had some reason to go inside and get ready for the show. It was 4pm.

I told him that the journey began as a way of connecting to my daughter after my husband died. He stopped, said he was sorry and then hugged me. I big ole bear hug. Wow. I haven't had anyone react that way ever. He wants to hear more of my story. At one point, he asked if I had read the book, The Alchemist. I said, Yes. Actually I read it last summer and really connected with the book after going to 15 Jonas Brothers concerts. I felt I had been on a healing journey.

Here I was talking to Mike Bedard and we were relating to the moments we all have of coming to the edge of the cliff and taking a step. Not sure why we are called to the journey and yet, knowing that there is something for us here. We talked for about an hour. The production manager, Mike Schaeffer (?), not sure if that is his last name, was also there, nodding and understanding.

It was so unexpected to have this moment of deeper reflection about the journey of concerts this summer. He was amazing and interested and supportive and a deep thinker. It was so cool!

It was time for them to go and Mike S said something about, did I have tickets? I said no, not yet. He looked shocked, said, hold on, made a phone call and turned to me. Got my phone number and said he would call in 30 minutes. An hour later, Mike, the drummer came outside with two comp tickets. (Just as aside, comp tickets are usually gone by this time of day. I know for a fact that in LA, one of the band members could not even get tickets for his MOM! This was a miracle!

The show was phenomenal. It was one of the highlights of the trip. I am in "rock star" love with Mike Bedard. The tickets were a bonus after an incredible conversation.

Here is a brief description of a part of, "The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo," as summarized in Wikipedia.

"Central to the novel is the concept of a Personal Legend. Santiago first learns of one's Personal Legend from The King of Salem, who tells him "It's what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is."^[10] He expounds on this, saying "...there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It's your mission on earth."^[10] The King also tells Santiago of the importance of following the omens on the journey to realizing one's personal legend. Coelho follows this advice himself; he will only start writing a book after finding a white feather.^[11]"

(Now a day later, as I entered the hotel room outside of Montreal, there was a feather on the door threshold! Yes, even going to 45 Jonas Brothers has feel of a personal, alchemical journey.)